Whether should you go back to your ex or not depends mostly on how the relationship your ex boyfriend or girlfriend was and how it ended. Although there is no handbook on ex-partners, there are some issues that should be considered if you plan to return with your ex.
The end of any close relationship leaves a pain that is difficult to calm. Although every situation is unique, after a breakup we all go through moments of relief, sadness, anger etc. Our head is a roller coaster of feelings, and it is complicated to brake to see the situation with some perspective.
Each person is different, so each has its perception what to do in life and specifically in matters of love. Some of the big issues are should you go back to your ex partner. When a relationship ends, one of the big questions is whether the right thing was done or whether you should return with that person. Most people tend to confuse attachment and habit with love. This situation is the one that raises certain questions about whether it is better to return with that person or not.
Examine and assess the situation
After a breakup, it is important to assess the circumstances of each before initiating a rapprochement. To begin, you must think what you hope to achieve after recovering the relationship with your ex. So you want him/her to be your partner again? Or do you want to build a friendly relationship? These are important issues that need to be clear before you make any moves because your well-being and that of the other person is at stake.
Many people find it difficult to forgive their ex-partners and restore ties. If you are the one who has broken and think you have made a mistake then make things clear. This is because when you reestablish the contact you will send a contradictory message. If you are the one who has been abandoned, your attempts to repair the relationship may only serve to keep the pain in time.
Keep in mind, moreover, that not all people have the same conditions to regain a relationship. Humble people are more likely to forgive their ex-partners and re-establish relationships, the proudest people make it much more difficult.
Make a list of what you can win and lose
Repairing a relationship has costs and benefits. The most obvious cost is that you can be rejected, which will increase your pain. In addition, if you try to re-establish the relationship because you have guilty feelings, you may be making a bad decision. Include the good and bad parts of your relationship in the list.
An honest assessment of your situation has to include a balance between the pros of maintaining contact with someone who has been important to you versus the cons of putting you in a position of vulnerability. If the balance is positive, you can start planning a strategy to regain the relationship, but if it is not better, for now, do not start something that can end badly.
Take this Quiz
After a breakup there is always a chance to return, especially if the relationship ended on good terms. A separation is difficult to assimilate, so you often ask the question whether or not to return with your ex. Remember that not all the second parts are good because they simply are not the same. So, should you go back to your ex? If you want to resume your relationship you must first take this quiz and ask yourself certain questions:
- What do you feel?
Does returning with your partner make you feel happy? Specialists have pointed out that many people idealize the virtues of the ex and often erase the negative aspects. So, it is important to consider that there were reasons that prevented the relationship from progressing. If the answer is yes and you think it’s worth a try, then do not stop. But also remember that your happiness is not a game and you must decide this with maturity.
- Was it a toxic relationship?
Do you remember arguments for insignificant things and wondered if it would really be worth it? Then think about it a thousand times to get back with your ex partner. In a relationship both should feel free to act without the fear of what the other person will tell you.
- Do you feel lonely?
If you are one of those people who always needs company and you are considering going back with your ex, then do not do it. Remember that solitude is also indispensable as it will help you to know yourself. An investigation on this matter indicates that 71% of men and 52% of women have returned to their ex, not out of love or affection, but simply because they do not feel alone. Specialists have pointed out that if this is case then the healthiest thing is to stay away from that person. Social networks have made this situation difficult. Experts also point out that the phenomenon of returning to your ex has been increased with the rise of social networks. If you feel lonely and want to return to your ex then this will be a stupid decision.
- Have things changed?
Do you think the person you fell in love with can feel the same way about you? You must consider the time that has passed, because people are not the same always. Analyze the situation, before making a decision to not be disappointed later.
- Do both feel the same desire to return?
No one should force feelings. Both should go the same way, but the relationship will have no success no matter how hard they try. If you are going to return with your ex, both should be clear as to their feelings.
- Is there no one else?
If someone else appeared during the time you separated from your ex-partner, then you’d better clarify your feelings. Because if you have decided to return with your ex, you have to make sure the road is clear.
Design a strategy
Now that if you are clear that it is worth trying to recover the relationship it is time to design a plan. It is not advisable to improvise: any false step can be disastrous for the achievement of your goal. Since you know the other person well, you have to know what kind of approach he/she may like more or less.
It is better to be aware that the other person can refuse your approaching attempts. If you think a direct contact may be too violent, try first to send an email, an SMS or make a call. If you believe that any of these forms of contact can harm the other person, try to address it through a common friend who offers to act as an intermediary. Do not even think about making the public approach. If you use Facebook send direct messages, never write to your ex on the wall.
Now a new scenario opens that can end in absolute rejection or you can successfully get back with your ex. You should be clear about at this stage as there is a possibility that your efforts may be useless. It is best to be aware that the other person may refuse your approaching attempts. Your ex may not respond and you will believe that it was not worth trying. Regardless of the outcome, at least you have done what you considered correct, and you have learned to deal with these situations.