How to Find Love After Divorce

July 30, 2016

Find the best way to find love after divorce and find the perfect partner. These tips will help you recover the pain of divorce and find love again.

find love after divorce

Finding love after divorce is a tricky thing to go through because of the pain that your previous relationship has cost you. Even though you think you are ready for dating your heart may not really be ready to go through it. You see when you get hurt emotionally your heart starts building barriers so you never have to go through that pain ever again.

It makes tough for you to find love as fear of getting hurt again is really something you need to look out for, but not so much that you stop living your life. Do not make the fear of getting hurt a prison sentence for your life’s freedom. Just go through this article and see what can help you and how things can work out to find love after divorce and find a loving partner for life.

Heal Before You Feel

A divorce is not something that you just get through it because it’s something you planned on doing when you married that person and swore to love and honor them for the rest of your life. And so when you go through such an ordeal of breaking a promise that meant so much to you then you are going to need to grieve even if you don’t want to.

You know some people say that grieving is for weak people, but in reality grief is neither a sign of weakness. It’s just a price of love and you have to accept it in order to move on. You see if you want to feel something other than what you are feeling now which a sudden emptiness, then the first step towards it is to grieve properly. No matter how much you want to get over it you won’t be able to do it unless you moan your losses. Accept your terms and start living again, all this can be done but first you have to accept it and start healing.

It is better to heal first before you start to find love after divorce. Some heal through therapy, some by reading and some by talking to friends. So just find a way, grieve a little, have a good cry and get ready live your life once again.

Letting Go

We understand that it is hard to believe in love after getting divorce just as it is hard to believe in friendship or god when you have suffered a loss through their hand. However, just like we say in prayers “God test’s us to make us stronger” and so it is true in life and love. So what if your marriage failed, you need to let go to live your present and future happily. If you think even for a moment that you can do just fine holding a grudge then you are dumber than you think.

Instead of addressing the issue of dealing with it, you are choosing to ignore it which in turn is building lots of pent up anger. But if you can just try to let go then you may be on your way back to recovery. Everyone around you would be able to see it and would be happy for you. Just understand one thing first, there is nothing you can do now except may be apologize to your friends and family for being so moody and then take charge of your life.

Finding Love After Divorce

When a divorcee finally is in a good place and feels safe enough to try finding love again, than there are two ways to go from here one is the right way and you know the second one. You need to understand that even though the wounds have healed there are still those old scars. These can reopen your wounds all of sudden and your heart to start closing again. The pressure to look good and to be able to flirt with the opposite sex without thinking about your ex is tough, but with time it would heal and you would be back to normal. You just need to have patience.

Yes, it’s going to be tough to feel like before, but now you have some experience in this matter. You can either think about it or drown in your sorrows or you can start using that experience and try to be happy once again. It’s okay if you are not ready to be out in the public so fast, but you need to start somewhere so why not start with a friends party.

Here only few of your known colleagues will be there and you can try to mingle and see how it goes. On the second thoughts you can try social networking websites first and/or maybe you can use websites and apps like tinder, harmony or anything of that sort to meet new people. Remember sooner or later you have to get out of your apartment and meet the right person. So just to help you take a step in the right direction and you will definitely find love after divorce.

Love Yourself:

Many people when get divorce or break up a relationship blame themselves and start thinking about what they could’ve done better. That shouldn’t be the case, instead you should forgive yourself and the other person and move on. First step to find love after divorce, no matter the case is to love yourself because if you can’t love yourself then no one would want to. If you are trying, but are not succeeding then try asking your family and close friends what they love about you and why they haven’t left you yet. I know asking this question seems silly, but you might be surprised with how much there is inside you which is lovable all you need to do it give it a chance.

Face Your Fears:

When you have gone through a heart breaking thing than your brain tries to protect you from taking the kind of risk which could lead to heart break and that pain again using negative thoughts. But what you don’t know is that only way to get over that pain is to face your fear and move on. As long as you avoid facing your fear you will be living in the shadows. I am pretty sure you will never be able to feel happy or any relative feeling for that matter if you don’t get out there. So, what you need to do is take your time to heal and then gather up enough courage to say no to your negative thoughts. Get out there and risk it once again because it sure is worth it.

Maintain Yourself and Stay Busy

After the initial heart breaking period, don’t just mope around and stay at home. Instead try getting out and exercise, you see, any physical activity releases endorphins will make you happy. With exercise you will feel great and your body would be good too. Maintaining yourself doesn’t necessarily means to joining an expensive gym or having a costly diet plan, it can be as simple as just running around town or swimming or anything remotely similar to these things. And remember that this is for you to release some pressure so just try and find something that is good for you and be consistent.

Develop a Hobby. Every one of us has these hobbies that we love but have avoided because of certain reasons. Well here is your chance, and you can choose to take up a hobby and run with it if you enjoy it. And again it doesn’t have to be something expensive, but if you like a costly hobby and you can afford it than definitely go for it. The point of this is to enjoy your life doing something that you love doing rather than what you were doing.

No Rush and Believe your Instincts

Don’t rush into dating scene after your divorce. Instead take your time to heal properly and then once you are ready then and only then get back in the game to find love again. Any long term relationship that lasted for over a year leaves a lasting scar. So don’t rush, take your time, heal first and then fall back in slowly and take it from there.

Naturally you have good instincts so when you are ready to get back out there just trust your instinct to guide you. Sometimes when you meet someone you see some signs and your gut tells you to ignore this person but your heart ignores it and later you regret it. So don’t ignore your instinct because they will always guide you in the right direction.

Emotion List

Now that you have pulled yourself together and you know what you are as an individual then you are ready to find love after divorce, but before jumping into the game make a list. I know it seems presumptuous, but it will help you to stop yourself when you are going in the wrong direction. You see this list should contain every emotion you want to feel when you are dating someone. If this doesn’t make you feel that way than don’t drag it out just speak your mind and move on.

My list from my break up consists of acknowledged, understood, safe, joyous, sexy and appreciated. So just make a list and include all the feelings the other person should make you feel. And as you go along you will see that initially you needed list to tell you that this is not a good match. After a while you will start noticing that you are not comfortable and you won’t need the list anymore. So this list is just for you to get you started and to help you feel the way you want to feel, that’s all and is not to hurt someone.

Be Comfortable

If you come across someone you like, then don’t rush into things instead take your time and let the relationship grow. Don’t spend your time thinking and talking on the phone more than you should just fix a date and go for it. Remember not to get too personal or intimate before you are ready for it, no matter how the other person feels. I know that other person feelings matter, but not more than yours and right now you are getting out of a fragile spot and so you have to take care of yourself. And if this person is the right one then he/she will wait for you and if not then he/she is not the right person for you.

Deal Breakers

Just like you made a list for you must feel, same way make a list of all the things that you don’t want in your future relationships which are in essence deal breakers for you. To find love after divorce, you should spend some time finding the right partner. Like say if the other person stays in other state then you and neither of you are open for relocation then don’t into a relationship because long distance is tough and it can be heart breaking. And never adjust thinking that you will try changing his/her mind over time because that’s not going to happen. Maybe in beginning they would pretend to care, but in the long run it’s a non starter. Just make a list of non negotiable things which will help you in the long run.

Always remember that a good relationship is the one in which there is mutual trust, respect and admiration. In a good relationship you will learn about the other person. If these basic things are not there in your relationship than just keep looking, but just don’t give your heart to someone who doesn’t deserve it. Instead take your time, choose wisely, let it grow and be happy. Lastly, it’s never too late to go on your last first date and find love again.

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