How to Deal with Jealousy in a Relationship
Identifying the cause of and discussing it with your partner is the best way to deal with jealousy in a relationship. These tips will help you overcome and control this feeling.
Jealousy is not necessarily a bad thing; a little bit of jealousy is a sign of healthy relationship. But when jealousy gets out of control and makes you do stupid things that’s when you have a real problem. There can be different types of jealousy in a relationship say one person is more successful than other or one person gets more attention than other, but in the end it all comes down to this one question “How much do you trust yourself and the person you are involved with?” And the cure for all jealousy is the same, so here are some steps one can use to deal with jealousy in a relationship.
Step 1: Acceptance:
You can’t deal with something you don’t have. So in order to deal with jealousy you must accept that you are jealous. And in order to accept that one must know what jealousy really is. Jealousy is the feeling you get when you feel threaten by someone or when you are angry at someone. Like when someone is hitting on your girlfriend or when you see that someone have something that you really want. Once you understand that and accept that you are getting jealous about something than only you can take the steps to overcome it. So, acceptance is the first step towards overcoming jealousy.
Step 2: Identify the reason:
To overcome jealousy you must know the reason you are getting jealous of someone. To identify the reason you have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself this one question “What am I afraid of?” If you answer this question honestly regarding this matter than you will know the real reason of your jealousy. In the end the answer always comes back to you being vulnerable to something and you must find what that thing is. Once you have identified the reason of your jealousy then it becomes real easy to overcome it.
Step 3: Effect on others:
For those who think that being jealous is not that big of a deal than they must see its effect on others. A jealous person always asks a lot of question as to “Where were you?”, “Who were you with?” and many more like these, which when asked a lot of time makes other person really frustrated and angry. That should be your confirmation that you are acting like a jealous person and you must start with the first step to overcome jealousy. Jealous people when not accept that they are jealous drives other people crazy which in the end always leave the jealous person alone and vulnerable. So remember jealousy when out of control is not a good thing and hence it is important to deal jealousy in a relationship, else there can a breakup between the partners.
Step 4: Question yourself:
Whenever you feel like you are getting jealous, at that time remember to question yourself. Once you start questioning yourself about being jealous than you can start taking the positive steps from there and neglect a bad situation or hurting someone close to you. Always ask the basic question that if honestly answered will tell you that you are jealous like “Why do I feel threatened?” or “What is making me angry?” or “Why am I scared?” Its questions like these when given a good thought will make you take the positive way and you may avoid a jealous outbreak.
Step 5: False beliefs:
False beliefs are a major reason for a cause of jealousy. Once you understand that these beliefs are nothing but your mind playing tricks on you, then you can help yourself in avoiding another jealous rage. Some of the common false beliefs are “Everyone is out to get my money”, “He/she is not loyal”, “He/she is trying to steal what I have” and false beliefs like that can cause you and people around you a lot of trouble. So, whenever you have such a negative thought, you must start asking yourself questions like “How is this negative thinking going to help you?” The answer is simple it never will so try to trust yourself and others around you and whenever you have a false belief try to change it into a positive one, as beliefs are changeable by choice.
Step 6: Body ache:
It is psychologically proved that some feelings can have effect on you physically. Like for instance when you are afraid of something you get that pit in the stomach and when you are angry you have your jaw clenched and shoulders tight. As for when you are jealous it is mainly because you are afraid or angry. So it is better to know which one is it, as it can help you fight jealousy and noticing your body aches at these times can help you do that. It is very common in people that sometimes they feel both anger and fear and at that time you will have both bodily impacts on you. So whenever you feel these body aches remember to question yourself about these feelings and it will help you to do the right thing.
Step 7: Apologize:
As I have told earlier jealousy doesn’t always affect only you but also the people around you and especially the one you love. Apologizing for what you said during your bad jealous moments is the most important thing in these incidents and it also let the other person know that you are trying to overcome this jealousy. If you don’t apologize then it seems like you are trying to push the other person away which is not good because that may exactly what you were afraid of. So always apologize, it doesn’t have to be some long or complicated apology it just has to be simple enough to make them feel that you care like “I am sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just had some silly jealous thoughts which are not true.” Something of this kind will help you and your partner to talk openly about jealousy and help to clear some misunderstandings if there are any.
Step 8: Share your feelings:
Sharing your feelings with the one who is affected by your jealousy the most is the best way to overcome jealousy in a relationship because then you have one person who understands you, forgives you, helps you and makes you apologize when you go out of control. It is like having someone in your corner that is supportive and trustworthy. But sharing is not a one-way street as you are sharing your feelings with someone you have hurt a lot and so here are some tips for sharing just to make sure you don’t hurt them even more. Talking to your partner for the reason that makes you jealous can help you control and deal with jealousy in a relationship.
- Don’t blame anyone else for your rude behavior. He/she didn’t do anything wrong. It was your feelings that cause the trouble, so take full responsibility for your actions.
- Always remember to start the sentences with an “I” because if you don’t than it might offend the other person’s feelings. So instead of saying “You shouldn’t have done that” you must say “I feel terrible about how things went down”.
- Always listen to what other person has to say about you because you are not the only one affected by these feelings. So have a nice conversation about your actions even if sometimes you disagree with something you must stay quiet and listen rather than getting angry and lose the person you love.
- The most important is to stay positive that you can outgrow jealousy. You have to understand about how the other person feels because that is the person you have been asking questions or getting angry at because of your feelings.
- Remember this is not a onetime conversation; you have to be ready to have this type of conversations time and again in order to deal with jealousy in a relationship.
Step 9: Have an outlet:
Whenever you think that things are out of your control and you can’t do anything about it that is the time you will do more harm than good. So whenever you have that feeling like you can’t control something stop thinking about it and invest that power into something constructive. For example, participate in some sports, or take up a new hobby or anything that can help you stop thinking about the main concern. This way you have an outlet to remove all your emotion out of the system and not on another person but on something which is constructive and helpful.
Step 10: Learn something:
If there is any good thing that comes out of jealousy then that is if you learn something from it. So always keep an open mind about learning something. Even if it doesn’t work out sometimes; than too jealousy teaches us to become a better person and to trust yourself and others.
Jealousy helps us to understand our self, our feelings and makes us questions our self, so we can improve and be a better person. Like in a relationship, little bit jealousy is healthy as it let the other person know that you care about them. And even if sometimes jealousy gets out of bounds and if you follow the steps you learn to communicate and share your feelings, your fear of losing someone with each other which can later turn into a really healthy relationship.
And the most important thing that jealousy teaches us is to trust our self and others. At any time in relationship there are different kinds of jealousy. Like in a new young relationship, you guys are just starting to know each other, at that time the jealousy can be cause due to vulnerability. Once the relationship is on second level at that time it can be caused due to human nature like roving eye, and then when the relationship is at the final stage than it can be caused due to multiple reason like over-possessiveness, career, etc. To overcome such kind of thing one must trust one self and the other person involved in the relationship. If you learn to deal with jealousy in a relationship then you will lead a happy life with your partner.
In the end all I can say is jealousy in a relationship is good only till some extent but when it gets out of control than it can cause a problem, at which point you must start following the steps given above and deal with jealousy in a relationship.
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