How to Get a Shy Girl to Open Up

June 18, 2017

Find the best way to get a shy girl to open up and talk to you in person and over text. These tips will help you to get closer to the girl and make her comfortable with you.

Get a Shy Girl to Open Up

Talking to an unknown girl is tough, but if that girl turns out to be shy, that’s taking to another level. The truth is shy girls are just like any other girl, but a bit more private, or shall we be reserved. However, if you want her to open up and talk to you, then you need to look at it like this particular girl is playing hard to get because she is, in a way. Keeping that in mind, you also need to understand a few things before getting a shy girl to open up and talk to you. So if you are up for the challenge or just want to know for an in-case scenario, then here are some need-to-know things.

Approaching the Shy Girl

All the tricks that may have worked in the past may not work on this particular girl. Whether this certain girl is shy or just a private person is an entirely different conversation. It would help if you found an opening for an approach. Remember, there is an opening in every move you or she makes; all you have to do is find yours and then go for it. However, before you find your start and decide to make an approach, here are lists of things that you need to know to work. If you want a shy girl to open up to you, but she doesn't know you, then follow these steps. You can also read our guide on how to break the ice with a girl.

  1. Don’t be Prejudice
    Never go in assuming that the girl is shy because she might turn out to be a private person. If that happened then your whole approach could be ruined. There’s an ‘Ass’ in an assumption for a reason because if you make a wrong assumption then you end up looking like an ass. So, hold you judgments until after you talk to her.
  2. Go By Yourself
    When approaching her, remember to go by yourself because if she is a shy girl then she probably won’t like a lot of people approaching her. In other terms going by yourself tells her that you are confident and independent man and you can take care of her. Just to make sure you understand properly, a lot of people approaching a shy girl seem more like bullying then an honest approach. Keep this in mind when you plan for an approach.

Avoid Crowded Places

Shy people generally don’t like a lot of attention. Hence, approaching them in a crowded place where all the eyes could turn towards them seems a bit uncomfortable for them. , So instead select a location where people are around but busy, where she can reach for help if needed. This is where the two of you can freely talk to each other.

  1. Introduce yourself
    Just because you know her name doesn’t mean she knows your name. So, once again I say never to assume anything as it can make you look like an ass. However, barring that assumptions it would be polite to introduce yourself and this way she would introduce herself and that can start a dialog between you two.
  2. Keep Smiling
    I think it’s been said before but it’s never enough, so I say “keep smiling”. Smiling is one of the best ways to put people at ease, especially strangers. A smiling person is much more attractive than a none smiling person and so people are more prone to open up to them. So, keep in mind that smiling drastically improves the chance for a shy girl to open up and talk.
  3. Show Respect
    No matter what happens you have to show respect to girls, shy or otherwise. When a girl feels respected by you then the chances of her opening up to you drastically increases. Currently, she may be feeling shy or more private because she thinks you might judge her on what she has to say. However, if you don’t criticize her but instead show her some respect then she would feel much safer around you. Once that happens then it wouldn’t too hard for her to start sharing and open up a bit.

Conversation tips to get a shy girl to open up

To get a shy girl to open up first, she needs to feel comfortable, and the best way that can happen is by making conversations. The ability to have an entire conversation without any fear of being judged or criticized is everyone’s dream. However, if you can provide this rare gift to the shy girl, then sooner or later, she will open up to you. As for now, let’s see how to start making conversation.

Start small

There’s no reason for you to go big now; instead, start from something small. It can be anything like “Hi, I am Bryan, we are in Chemistry class together” or anything similar to this. Anything that started with an introduction and got a reciprocal is a good sign. You can start with anything you like but avoid the big topics like politics, religion, or family. Creating small is like saying “hi” to a girl every day and then gradually building on that for a deeper and more extended conversation.

Maintain eye contact

Maintaining eye contact is one of the vital body language traits when talking to somebody, especially girls. First, if you can support eye contact with a girl without even flinching once, then that raises your respect in that girl’s eye. Secondly, maintaining eye contact with a girl is the ultimate sign of your affection towards her, and that’s something she will note. So, in the future, if she feels vulnerable, then you may be the one which she calls, and that is very close for a shy person.

Cut it short

This is true for every conversation you ever had or will ever have. Cutting it short basically means not waiting for the exchange to slowly die out but, in fact, going out with a boom. When you leave a conversation on a high note, the other person can’t wait to chat with you again. However, suppose you wait for it to slowly die down. In that case, the other person is already too bored to even think about talking with you again. Therefore, always leave the conversation on a high note; this increases the chances of having another conversation.

Be natural with her

Just because she is shy doesn’t mean you need to act shy too. Remember, a girl can detect a fake person from a mile away. So, try to be as natural as you can be and avoid making fun of her or at her expense. Instead, just be honest and ask her directly if you have any questions instead of beating around the bush and doing something that might end up offending her.


Having a conversation gets real easy when two people have some things in common. So if you want to start or continue the conversation with this girl, you need to find something that both of you are interested in. Sometimes even a healthy debate makes for a good discussion than a boring one where the people involved are too scared to speak up their minds.

Provide opportunities

If you know that the particular girl is shy, then it’s your job to provide her with opportunities so she can express herself. Remember, if you want a shy girl to open up, you need to give her space to talk and not be judged on her view. Another thing is that you need to ask her opinion on something that you know she wouldn’t talk about if not requested. This step is mainly to show her that you need and respect her opinion.

Share personal details

One of the best ways to open up a shy girl, or any girl for that matter, is to start by opening up about yourself first. This way, the girl knows that you trust her enough to expose your vulnerable side to her, and then she might feel comfortable doing that as well. You know what I always say “Sharing is Caring,” and that’s as much true here as anywhere else. So if you want her to open up, then you need to consider doing the same first.

Make her trust you

Trust is the most important thing to get a shy girl to open up to you. If you trust the person you are talking to, you will end up opening up to them, and if you don’t, you won’t. Yes, it may be true that developing trust with a shy person is kind of tricky. Doing anything worthwhile is always challenging. So if you want a shy girl to open up to you, you need to make sure that you trust the person first. Then, slowly work on developing this trusting bond between you two. Creating a trust bond will be challenging, but you will do just fine if you follow the steps given above and keep the pointers in mind.

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